Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
