I wish I could teleport
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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