Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
time to smoke my breakfast
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
