I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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