Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
