shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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