my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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