My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i believe in u and ur pee
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
