um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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