I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
