One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So vagazzling was a success
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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