If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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