I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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