areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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