im drinking this country out of the recession.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?