Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's blow job season.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
