so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.