The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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