I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me