I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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