we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
do nipples grow back?
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