Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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