I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
