Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
