You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
