Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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