Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
