I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone came in the potted fern