I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.