He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it