last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?