How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.