I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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