I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
