I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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