I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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