dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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