I understand Curling. That high.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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