please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
