He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize