girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
