I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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