This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
