Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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