i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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