Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize