so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
