What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
