So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
