I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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