What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
high people should be assigned attendants
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
