what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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