dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
