Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
