we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
