sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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