So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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