I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
