On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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