you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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