woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
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I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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