woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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