Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.

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(407): View more from Florida

is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
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(317): View more from Indiana

my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.

(404): View more from Georgia

Good luck

(770): View more from Georgia

Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate

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