Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

he quoted Bring It On. It's over.

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(213): he quoted Bring It On. It's over. http://tfl.nu/r2ms

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(740): View more from Ohio

i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina

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(740): i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina http://tfl.nu/02ir

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(419): View more from Ohio

I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.

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(419): I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief. http://tfl.nu/du8g

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.

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(604): Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life. http://tfl.nu/tq60

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures

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(715): Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures http://tfl.nu/hpoh

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.

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(610): I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs. http://tfl.nu/uj0s

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(314): View more from Missouri

hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

(636): View more from Missouri

Yup.

(314): View more from Missouri

Yup.

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(314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...

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(617): And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not... http://tfl.nu/7o3n

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(646): View more from New York

She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."

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(646): She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers." http://tfl.nu/lbn1

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number

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(412): He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number http://tfl.nu/oocs

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(309): View more from Illinois

I stole so many things from the ER last night.

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(309): I stole so many things from the ER last night. http://tfl.nu/lt6b

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(248): View more from Michigan

Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.

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(248): Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'. http://tfl.nu/4pwa

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.

(1-250): View more from British Columbia

We are the best.

(250): View more from British Columbia

Ps. We need to take the garbage out.

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(250): Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job. (1-250): We are the best. (250): Ps. We need to take the garbage out. http://tfl.nu/i0yw

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(443): View more from Maryland

There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?

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(443): There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut? http://tfl.nu/irwu

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke

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(484): There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke http://tfl.nu/bkfk

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