he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
