The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.