Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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