Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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