I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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