Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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