My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
